How Not To Have A Heart Attack

It is 2 am, why am I feeling weird?  Shivering, sweating, feeling unsettled... hmmm?  I get up and go to the bathroom.  The discomfort has passed, only took an hour, I wish I could get back to sleep.

Breakfast went down well, but not feeling completely right... a little shaky, off.  I get on the bus, light-headed, maybe.  Is that tightness in my chest?  Did I pull a muscle digging in the garden the other day?  I try a few deep breaths.  Better, yes?

Time to get on the train... is that really tightness in my chest?  Should I walk up the escalator or ride this time.  No, I will walk, just like I always do, it will be a test.  There, see, all good, tap my pass card and head for the second escalator, yeah, go ahead and climb.  Join the queue on the platform and relax.  Why is my heart thumping in my chest, I do this everyday, is this shortness of breath, am I dizzy?  Deep breaths, deep breaths, here comes the train.  I sit and concentrate on breathing; it is not dizziness.

City Centre Station, more stairs and another escalator, another test.  It is thumping again, breathe and walk on.  I settle into my desk.  Taking a couple of aspirin is a good thing, it is what you are supposed to do, right?  The aspirin are definitely helping, not to worry, just feeling a bit off today.

Lunchtime, not overly hungry, or do I just not feel like eating.  Down to the kitchen on the first floor, nothing looks appealing, stomach just has a bit of the blahs, half a plate will do.  Now, the stairs... we always take the stairs back up with our lunch, seven floors, one-hundred and sixty steps, I counted last year.  I am going to do it; it will be a test.  Everyone else went on ahead, I am the last one, if I collapse in the stairwell when will the next person come along to find me?  Do not be silly, it will be a test.

There, see, made it, no more out of breath than usual, test passed.  Not that hungry, though.  Is that tightness in my chest?

Boy, this afternoon is dragging on.  That is tightness in my chest.  Yes, that is light-headedness, breathe deeply, am I slightly nauseous?  I am not feeling well.  It is chest pain, yes, almost assuredly pain, and dizziness, almost.  I am shaking, that is for sure.  Okay, it is quarter past five, I am calling it.  Sally, I am not feeling well, I am going to go.  No, no, but I have this tightness in my chest, and I may be having a cardiac event.  I’m going to head home; the bus goes right by Delta Hospital and I’m going to get off and go into the emergency department.  Gail is going to meet me there.  Yes, yes, I will text you and let you know what is going on.

Of course, the train is busy, it is rush hour, I will have to stand.  Yes, that is chest pain, breathe deeply.  Is it radiating down my arm, or perhaps that’s numbness?  I get that sometimes in my forearm from keeping my hand poised over the keyboard while working.  Or it could be radiating down my arm, classic symptom.  Breathe deeply, in, out, do not pass out, just hold on, only four more stops, breathe, it would be foolish to collapse now when I am so close.  I will be able to sit on the bus, it is the express bus, there is always room.  Okay, one more stop.  There, see, just a bus ride now, twenty minutes, breathe.

A short walk to the hospital, a little shaky, but almost there.  I am on the property, pass out now and I will be spotted.  Into the building, no line up at the emergency reception, just these two girls, one on crutches, at the counter.  Don’t they know I could drop dead at any moment?  Breathe.  My turn, yes, chest pains, here comes Gail, over to the next counter.  Blood pressure looks normal, not really elevated, heart rate is okay, tell me your symptoms.  Tightness, pain, dizzy sort of.  Code two, come with me... take your clothes off and put on this gown, they will be with you shortly.

Lay down.  I am not undress-- Lay down!  ECG, blood samples, sent down the hall for a chest x-ray.  Zzzzt.  Zzzzt.  All done, back I go.  Yes, it was chest tightness and some pain, sensing my heartbeat, shortness of breath a little bit.  The symptoms have all subsided since I have been here, no pain or tightness now.  Okay, the heart specialist will be with you in a bit, relax, you must wait.

Hi, doc.  Your blood work is all good, you have not had a heart attack.  Your blood pressure is excellent, heart rate normal, cholesterol levels are normal, you look like you are fit.  Yes, well, I try to keep in shape, we walk up seven flights of stairs everyday at lunch and I did it today.  Is there any family history of heart attack or stroke?  No.  Well, you would never have made it up the stairs if you were having a heart attack.  I would say your risk of heart attack is about zero.  What about acid reflux, Gail chimes in.  You have acid reflux?  Well, yes, many years ago I was diagnosed and had a prescription for medication, but I don’t like being on drugs, so I weaned myself off them and haven’t taken them for a couple of years, heh, heh.  Well, there you go, your esophagus is having spasms due to acid reflux.  I will be right back with a prescription and then you are free to go.  Okay.  Seriously, I thought I could go it on my own.  I was doing well with alternative treatments, really, although the Chakra Ballet was a bit dubious right from the start.  The Dead Sea salt crystal lamp was working, honestly... positive ions... yeah.