Gone With The Trash (excerpt)

Many years ago I proposed a collaborative writing exercise with some colleagues.  I sat down and pecked out the beginning of the following scene.  The collaboration mostly fell apart, but the idea did spin into something much more substantial.  This starting point is now chapter four.  For the complete tome, visit Gone With The Trash 


      "Stop, Dave."

       "Don't call me Dave."

       "Sorry, Dave. I just thought you would like to know that there is a garbage scow in Sector Five."

       "Sector Five?"

       "Yes, Dave. Sector Five."

       "There's nothin' but asteroids and debris out there! What the hell would a garbage scow be doin' in Sector Five?"

       "Orbiting, Dave."

       "Of course it's orbiting, and stop callin' me Dave! It's Geronimo, you... you..."

       "I'm a Dig Tech Model Number Four Byte O'Matic, revision two-a, Dave, but you can call me Matt."

       Geronimo Lavoriss twirls his Magno Swivel Chair(tm) to stare eye to electric eye with the Byte O'Matic(tm).

    "Quit imitatin' that dumb movie or I'll have your memory swept from here to the Snappin' Sphincters of Bramada dot Six!"

       He pivots back to the console. His fingers blur over the controls as he zeroes in on the garbage scow. The scanning grids lock. The detector begins to fart electronically. He whaps a red button on the panel.

       "Visual!"

       In front of him appears a three-dimensional Holo-Vis(tm) projection of the garbage scow.

       "That's no scow, that's a derelict work barge."

       "Incorrect, Dave," replies the Byte O'Matic(tm). "It is a Dustbin class one point four garbage scow belonging to the now defunct Galactic Gathering Company. Extremely ancient, I'm afraid. Classified as an antique."

       Geronimo shakes his head, temperature rising. "Check your readin's, blikhead, and plot a course for the WORK BARGE!"

       "Plotting... ready to initiate maneuver to the... garbage scow."

       Geronimo scowls at the Byte O'Matic(tm). "Initiate."

       The main MatterMovers(tm), the standard drive engines of most space-going vessels, fire up, gently forcing him back in the Magno Chair(tm).

 

       The New Gnu sidles up to the antique, Dustbin class 1.4 garbage scow. A long, elastic Gooey Tube(tm) shoots from the side of the New Gnu, sticking itself over the scow's hatch. Air hisses into the transparent, jellied tube.

       "Docking complete, Dave."

       "Stop callin' me Dave."

       Deactivating the Magno Chair(tm), Geronimo springs to his feet, which, in the ship's limited GravLite(tm) artificial gravity, causes him to bump his head on the ceiling. "Is the atmosphere stable in the... scow?"

       The Byte O'Matic(tm) whirs. "Checking... negative in quadrant one... negative in bridge... unknown in garbage containment area."

       "Matt, where's my Hand Cannon?" Geronimo zips the seal of his pressure suit.

       "The weapon you seek is under the stack of Spleenrot Squashwort magazines."

       Geronimo kicks aside the festering organic mags and plucks up the small, but powerful, Junior Hand Cannon(tm).

       "Dilate door."

       "Dilating... do you have your helmet, Dave?"

       "Thank you," he returns, a hint of sarcasm creeping into his voice. Latching his helmet, Geronimo steps through the airlock.

            Slowly, he flounders through the gravity free Gooey Tube(tm). Arriving at the derelict, he tries to open the hatch. The door refuses to budge. He draws the Junior Hand Cannon(tm) and blasts a hole in the door's control panel. The door seal pops.

 

       "Well, what have we here?" Gladius Slate mutters.

     "What?! What's that, Boss?" queries Snax, deftly tucking a Spleenrot Surfin' Dude(R) magazine under his console.

       "We're now within scanner range of that derelict garbage scow," informs Slate, eyes intent upon the screen in front of him, "only it would seem that IDR control has been misinformed. There are two derelicts out here."

       Snax waddles to the scanning station, peers over Gladius's shoulder.

       "Look here," Gladius says, pointing out the two vessels displayed on the screen. "This one is the Galactic Gathering Company's Dustbin class one point four garbage scow mentioned in our orders, but this other wreck... I have no idea what it is. It almost looks homemade."

       "Oh," Snax replies.

       Gladius turns, becoming stern. "I can only assume, judging from its condition, that it is abandoned. But, due to the rash of Scow Cow hijackings that have been happening, we will be following strict procedural guidelines for our reconnaissance of the two vessels. Do you understand, copilot?"

       Snax stares briefly, blinks once. "Sure, dude."

       Unconvinced, Gladius addresses the bridge console. "Prepare for rendezvous maneuvers."


More at Gone With The Trash

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